


Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time

by Square_Pancake



Category: X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Canon Disabled Character, Dialogue-Only, Humor, M/M, Slight Ableism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-06
Updated: 2014-10-06
Packaged: 2018-02-20 01:57:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2410721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Square_Pancake/pseuds/Square_Pancake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dialogue-only<br/>Kidnapping Xavier seemed like a good idea at the time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time

“Look, all I’m saying is that after the idiots in congress passed the Empowered Persons Rights Act, we’ve not done anything meaningful. And it’s getting worse out there. The other day my little girl rolled her eyes at me when I told her to stay away from the mutants at her school- never know what you might catch off the freaks.”

“He’s right- I thought that Humans First actually did more than just talk about how muties are taking over everywhere.”

“So what do you want to do?”

“Well, the thing is, we need to get the damn EPRA overturned. And the only way to do that is to show all of America the truth.”

“That the mutants forced congress to pass it?”

“Exactly. It’s that damn telepath- Prof. X. What we need to do is get him to admit that he mind whammied people into believing that crap.”

“And how exactly are we going to do that? I don’t think he’s just going to agree to an interview and give it up.”

“Well, obviously we need to persuade him.”

“And by persuade, you mean…”

“We go to his damn school, bust down the doors, take him and then keep him until he’s ready to fess up.”

“You want to kidnap one of the most powerful mutants in the world?”

“Oh come on, it’s not that hard. He runs a school, not a fortress. And Mark ordered some anti-psionic helmets off a guy he knows in Idaho. He won’t even feel us coming. And once we have him, we can keep him under control. It’s not like he’s going to be able to run away.”

“Uncool man.”

“Seriously, that’s not okay. Anyone can get a spinal injury, not just muties.”

“Shut up, sorry, it’s, I’m just frustrated, you know?”

“Even if you do all that, there is one major flaw in your plan Kevin.”

“What’s that?”

“Kidnapping Xavier is just going to piss off Magneto, and I really don’t want the iron in my blood pulled out through my ears.”

“They never proved he could do that. Besides, Magneto isn’t even a player anymore. Has anyone even heard from him once those terrorists destroyed the last of those research facilities?”

“Not to mention, Magneto wouldn’t give a fuck if we kidnapped Xavier- they were like arch-enemies or something.”

“I’m not going to be the one who’ll burst your bubble about Magneto. It’s a bad idea to go after the telepath. Let’s just say this- everyone who’s taken action against Xavier, raise your hand. Now, keep your hand raised if you’re willing to take another shot at him. Notice the complete absence of volunteers?”

“Fine, but when Xavier is on TV admitting that he forced the EPRA through, I’m not going to give any credit to Humans First. Just wait and see!”

* * *

 

“This is a school? It looks like a fucking castle. Fucking muties probably stole it off some normal human.”

“Who is that?”

“Is he in a bathrobe?”

“Is that Magneto’s helmet?”

* * *

 

“And then he said ‘normally I’d let you get closer to the school before taking action just so I could have the pleasure of crushing your hopes at the last moment, but our youngest finally fell asleep, and my husband is waiting for me. Killing you would just ruin the mood, and waiting risks one of the kids waking up. Destroying you is really secondary to sex for me.’ Then he manacled our wrists together and told us to go away before he permanently maimed us.”

“What the hell do you mean that Magneto is married to Xavier? Why the fuck did you not tell us that?”

* * *

 

“Really Charles, can’t you manipulate them into attacking at more convenient times? I know sending Mystique in to organize failing strikes against us keeps the bigots busy and her amused, but it’s not even a challenge anymore.”

**Author's Note:**

> I was going to use "humanity first" instead of "humans first", but it turns out that's a legitimate organization.
> 
> Originally posted on my tumblr at http://thraner.tumblr.com/post/99188081966/dialogue-only-so-far


End file.
